More Review room fodder
Someone with a September 7th LID was contacted by the CCAA for more information.
posted by RumorQueen at 3/21/2006 02:13:00 PM
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Previous Posts
- Rumors rumors rumors rumors
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- AFTH?
- From Spain
- Talk about misleading
- Daily rundown of rumors
- 3-d life interfering with my online life
- Wow - thanks to all of you!
- A Funny
112 Comments:
I am in Canada and Friday evening we had a meeting at the agency and they did tell us as well that people from Sep LID had received a reuqest for more information.
I don't know if the information comes from the same agency as mine though!
I like this one. Our LID in 9/14. Mayber just mayber our stuff is being reviewed now.
All I can say is big freaking deal. Who really cares which month is in the review room. So now that department is four months ahead of the matching room, it all hinges on the matching. Sorry but this has been a very depressing day, and BTW I am in the Sept group
2:32 - I've had days like that and completely understand.
But, the reason this matters is that it is news. Not "wow they did a whole 6 weeks of LID's this time!!!!" news, but still, it's news.
I will be able to breathe easier once I know we are out of review. We have absolutely nothing that should be a problem, but I still will be happy to know we made it out.
So, maybe this will make a few August people breathe easier. I know I will feel a little better once I know that some October people are being contacted... and I will feel a LOT better once the CCAA posts on their site that September is out of review.
That's sounds like good news to me. With an October lid we are next to go in and I will be VERY happy when we pass through the review room. Not that there should be any problems with our dossier, but with the way CCAA keep implementing new rules I will breathe a lot easier once we are in the matching room (even if we do sit there for another six months).
I'm glad they are now actively reviewing September. I share anonymous' sentiments today though.
We entered the review room in August 05. We are hoping for a referral this month but the Spain rumors make me wonder if we will have to wait even longer. It has been a long haul.
You must be a June too 3:01. I hadn't thought about it but you're right. We went into the Review Room last August and here we are still waiting...
I'm telling ya' I just want to cry.
Maybe I am as naive as they get but it seems to me if the numbers of dossiers are continuing to be 'larger than usual' then maybe, just maybe there is a NEW average. I really don't think there are a limited number of babies needing families...it is more the limited resources to match families and babies. Maybe this is way too simplistic but how about MORE STAFF working on adoptions. Grrr! Although I am surely unqualified I'd be absolutely willing to volunteer in the matching room!
I am wondering why some of you are stating that June has been in the review room since August '05. I didn't see it reported on the CCAA website until January, I think. Am I going nuts?
Adding to what I just wrote, the CCAA website currently states that July is in review, so how can October be up next?
I am new to rumor boards & the CCAA's little sidebar reports, so maybe you guys are looking somewhere else that I don't know about.
Please set me straight...I am so confused!
The CCAA is very slow in updating their website. Maybe a week to two weeks behind when news is actually released.
Actually the CCAA website states that July has completed the review room.
Thank you for this info. Our agency does not allow rumor discussions. Or rather, they are "discouraged" from being talked about in our online forum.
You go to the DTC sites and they are buzzing with rumor discussion. Go to the agency's online forum and not one word about any kind of rumors.
This news gives me a bit of hope. Why would September be in review already? Wasn't July just in review? What happened to August? Or do they review multiple months at a time? Does anyone know?
Thanks
Here's another thing I wonder about these "big months." Someone over there saw all these dossiers coming in last spring when they were getting logged in. If the numbers were so much larger than usually, don't you think they'd say, "Geez! We're going to get slammed when we get to these stacks." Just seems like they would have seen this coming down the pike, and it makes me question whether we can blame the whole slow down on one or two big months. Maybe they just keep getting incrementally bigger, in which case I will be waiting a VERY long time for a referral.
3:54 -- my sentiments exactly.
--Liz
3:26 - Hi! June went into the Review Room in August 2005 where our dossiers loitered around a bit and didn't go into the Matching Room until, I think it was January'ish. It's apparently a good time in there, they didn't want to leave.
I'm trying to picture this...you June guys and the May hangovers are in the matching room, we know Aug and Sept must be in the review room, so that leaves July...in the hallway? The break room? Hanging in the stairwell smoking??
Yeh, I'm kinda unimpressed with this news as well. We were asked for additional info in early November because we were in the review room.
And no, no referral yet.
LID June 6.
Just curious, what kind of additional info is being asked for by the CCAA?
Shannon
Ah, so the dossiers just sit around and collect dust after they get out of the review room. It sounds like they sit for months and months before finally moving to the matching room.
Why does it sound like they have 10 people working in review and only 2 in matching?
I always imagined our dossiers as being coasters and having those little coffee rings all over them.
Just a thought.
Is anyone else picturing the Matching Room kind of like that I Love Lucy sketch where she's trying to keep up with the candy machine and can't? Just me? Ok.
God I LOVE this Blog!!
We're LID Jul 5 05 and have heard NOTHING from our agency. They won't even speculate - just say "be patient" blah blah blah. I'm so tired of being patient and keeping good faith that it will all work out. I can't help but think that some problem is going occur. Regardless, I can't help but hope for a miracle and that the timing will improve and then each time I check this website, I'm so disappointed. I know you all feel the same way - thanks for listening!
To 8:39pm.
I soooo hear you. Our agency also tells us nothing - not an email, letter, web update - nothing. And when we ask them, all they will ever tell us is the time between LID and the last referrals received. Sheesh. How is it possible that for such a life-altering important process we know NOTHING.
thanks 8:57 - I knew you'd understand. It is so tough some days being kept in the dark, wondering, fearing, hoping. My husband says to keep busy and not think about it but every day I pray that our daughter will be matched to us and then that the travel date will arrive quickly, our journey will be safe, and we will all be together. Thank God for this and other websites and chat rooms where we can all relate. Hugs!
I'm glad to know that Sept. is in the review room...that means that I'm finished being reviewed and there was nothing wrong with my dossier! Thanks!
It sounds about right that september has just gone into the review room as a friend of mine has an LID of August and she was asked for extra medical info about three weeks ago. Hopefully the CCAA will change the "CCAA has finished the month of July in the review room" to August now.
Elisa,
Do you know your friends lid? Thanks.
I just saw an email on another site that GWCA agency was telling their October LIDS that that their dossiers just went into the review room and that referrals would most likely be in Nov and Dec.
To 9:03 a.m.
if that is the case, I can expect a referral by the next decade!
The GWCA thing is a little off. They told October lids we just went into review, and that it could be September or October before we receive referrals. This is not new news from GWCA, they have been warning for a while that referral times could go to 12 months. People bashed us (and GWCA) before when we repeated this, and now it seems to be coming true.
They of course stress that things could change.
Dear 9:33
But Nov-Dec is 13-14 month delay. Can that be right?
HI I am in Canada as well. Our agency has told us that we should expect it to be 12 months to referral. They said that is a more 'normal' referral time for China and the 6 month timeframe was not something that they ever thought could be maintained. And that they are working towards the 12 month time frame again. Our LID is August, so we are not expecting a referral until August and travel in October. I keep reminding myself that China is supposed to be beautiful in October...
GWCA isn't telling October LIDs when to expect referrals. They sent an email telling everyone their status. October LIDs are in the review room, February LIDs (mine) are in translation, etc. They are always very careful not to speculate about future referral dates. All they say is they expect referrals the end of the month or early next month, but didn't say what LID dates they expect the referrals to cover. GWCA has said they expected referrals to take 10-12 months, and as 9:13 said, it can always turn around. Aggghhhhh!!! (major primal scream of frustration, especially in honor of those with a May 31 LID).
Last time I checked with GWCA (about a month ago) as to when we could expect a referral (we have a LID of 11/22), they told me October or November. It is frustrating that when we share GWCA info that we always get bashed by others just because they don't like the info. My thought is people can either focus on the obstacles, or choose to look beyond them and dream about the day they will meet their baby, which is what I choose to do.
GWCA IS telling October Lids that our referrals could be September or October, but that they don't know for sure as China can always speed up/slow down, blah blah blah. It was a separate email to only October LIDS.
Our LID is May 31 and GWCA is not even telling US when to expect our referrals!! So I don't know how GWCA or anyone else could possibly give an accurate prediction for when people with LID in October or November can expect a referral. I hope they are being clear with their more recent clients that the timeframe is completely up in the air.
Everyone is acting like the 12 month wait is something new. Did everyone have their head in the sand all winter? Great Wall and other agencies were informed back in the fall that we were heading for a 12 month wait again. obviously that is what it is heading toward and there is nothing that can be done about it. It is an awful thing but....what can you do but wait.
I should clarify - GWCA is not telling us that we WILL get a referral in September/October for an October LID. They are telling us that this is a possibility. They have repeatedly stressed that referral time frames are changing and they do not know what will happen. That's why I said earlier that this was not really new news, as they have been warning of 12 month waits for a while, while all the time saying things could change.
Sorry that wasn't clear.
We are in Canada and our agency informed us last June (05) that in the near future the time line would be going up to 12 months from LID to Referal. Just didn't expect it to be this soon ;(
Unfortunately, we have just received an e-mail from our agency verifying that the next batch of referrals will include 5/26 thru 5/30 LIDs. These will be sent out at the beginning of next week. He said that CCAA has said that there are over 400 dossiers with a 5/31 LID. We are 5/31 LID and just feel crushed.
11:38 - can you share which agency? i am curious how any agency can know this with such certainty.
We just reported that another major agency has confirmed through May 31st agency so maybe they'll actually finish May. Bummer.I wish there was a way to find out how many dossiers went out in which month - that seems to be our only clue. Ack.
NOOOOOOOOO! Say it ain't so. This hurts. I really need to shut down my computer and keep it off before all of these ups and downs make me crazy. 5 days of LIDS? Are you f-ing kidding?
No! I just can't believe this! I am LID 31MAY as well and this is just too hard. I am at work right now and I just feel so crushed. I am trying to get to the CCAA website but it is unavailable. I am devastated, this can't be...
Gen
this was just posted on Bethany's site:
"Referrals
-It has been confirmed with Shiyan and CCAA that this month's referral batches are for families with LID through the end of May (5/31). Because Bethany received all of their May LID referrals in the last batch, we will not be receiving any referrals this month. The next batch we hope to receive by the end of April. This news must be devastating to families with a June 2 LID. We empathize with them as they must wait one more month. God's Timing will reveal its Perfectness.... There are 3 different LID's in June so we do not know if and how they will split up the referrals. The current wait time from LID to referral is: 10-11 months. "
continued from 11:38...
I don't feel comfortable giving out my agency's name but they have been very conservative giving out information and have thus far been right on the money. They have given us no reason to doubt them.
This really sucks!!! I just decided that I had better call my wife and tell her knowing that it would ruin her day. Maybe we should just go buy a camper instead.....
I am very early in to the process (LID Dec. 2005). This really makes me reconsider my choice to adopt from China. I liked that the process was predictable and reliable. I do not feel that is the case any more. If I had been told 15 months, well, that is one thing, but it seems like none of the agencies have an accurate, confirmed idea of why this is happening. April and May took 3 months each, the months before that took 2 months each. I am not prepared to find out in Dec. that I have waited 12 months and it is still another 6-8 months to wait. Every month we say it will get better and it is actually getting LONGER each month.
When we applied, the wait was 6 months long. We were never told it would be extended. It was only after we spent the however many thousands of dollars and invested our hearts, too that the wait increased. The short wait is part of the reason we chose China. If we had known the wait would extend this long, we might have chosen another country.
Hi 12:56,
I have a Dec. LID also. I know how you feel. When we first started this, the wait was 8 months. Now there is no set wait. I'm just hoping for a referral by Dec. of this year. I guess we will see.
When we began it was actually 5-6 months wait. Now it is double that. My only thought is that I am very scared. I want reassurance. I dont care about the wait as much as the reality of waiting for nothing. My life has been on hold and my family's heart invested in this child. I truly hope she/he becomes a reality. This is all very hard.
I think anonymous 1:21 PM hit the nail on the head. Wait, schmait, what's a few more month in the long run? My FEAR is not that I will have to wait a little extra, or even double, my FEAR is that it will not happen, that all these delays by the CCAA are leading up to... something. And the fact that we can't get an official, concrete reason for these delays enhances my suspicion.
To have to wait 6 extra months for my daughter is nothing. To have to wait 15 months then be told I will not get a child from China is terrifying.
Oh. my. 1:27.
I had never even thought of that being a possibility.
But you are right.
And now I am going to have to go to the bathroom at work and cry.
Damn. 1:30 PM, I'm sorry I made you cry. I didn't intend to do that. I'm just voicing the nightmares in my head here since I can't do them out loud in real life. I think I will call my agency for reassurance. Hope they can give me that.
I'm sorry, really.
This is absolutely devastating. I am now beginning to wonder if we will complete our adoption in the year 2006 with having a late Oct LID. Or ever for that matter.
I hate to be selfish, but I wish CCAA would make priority for those of us who are childless. I don't think I could handle being told again that I can't have a child. (after dealing with infertility) I believed with all my heart that I would have a baby at the end of this process. I would lose my mind if it came to that.
This really sucks!!!!
How about this one from a friend who told us we should have chosen domestic adoption when we first applied to our agency, "See, I told you international adoption was too unstable."
I am going to start telling people that we'll get our referral at the end of 06, or early 07. That way if it comes early, everyone will be surprised. Including us.
1:43..I know we're going to get some flack for this but since it's Anonymous who cares :) I'm with you. I wish priority would be given to those of us who are childless. I'm particularly found of those on the APC who get all high and mighty on international adoption AFTER they have brought their daughters home...but that's a different story. Korea is now apparently operating on a one month to referral from dossier submission. I think that program will start getting ALOT of the people that would have gone with China....which will then slow Korea down and do nothing to shorten our already 5 month wait.. :)
Our agency has warned us repeatedly throughout the process that referral waits are unpredictable and may change at any time. Agencies that do not provide this information are misleading their clients. Many who have gone before us have had 12 month waits or longer. Of course we want to be through the process as fast as possible but a few extra months wait is drop in the bucket campared to the many years we will have with our children. And if the CCAA is being more deliberate in response to the recent problems in Hunan, increased applications, Hague convention or whatever reason, I'm certainly not going to second-guess them.
p.s. There is no reason to think, as some have suggested, that something bad is about to happen. If China were changing its policies on international adoptions it certainly wouldn't continue taking new applications!
Boy, I am hearing my thoughts echoed almost exactly here. It helps to know I am not alone. I don't mind so much knowing that I have to wait another month, or two, or whatever. What worries me is that the longer this takes, the greater the odds are that something will happen (whether with CCAA or politics or bird flu or who knows what) that will prevent this adoption from happening at all. THAT is what bothers me...not so much that we originally expected a referral in November and are still waiting (though that has been tough to be sure).
Another thing that has been hard is what anon 1:51 mentioned--having to face people who basically shake their heads as if to say "I told you so" (about IA) when we tell them that we are STILL waiting.
It's not for everyone but for those with more recent LID's who are facing uncertain wait times you might consider contacting your agency about looking at their SN children- I think some just got or are expecting a new list soon.
Let's hope Bethany is right and they'll do 5/31- it would be too much for the 5/31's to be let down yet again.
Our agency's newest Special Needs list was just released. I contacted them a few hours after the list came out about 3 babies whose files I wanted to review. I was told that there were already "several" families in line ahead of us to review these children. Most likely we will never get to see these children's files because there are so many other people who also want to adopt SN children. So, even though we have begun considering SN children that may not work out for us either. Many of the SN children are older, and we don't want to upset the birth order in our family. We have a 3 year-old now.
LID 11/22
2:11 since you have a Nov LID you might consider the next list (think they come every 3 months or so) if other families petition for the ones you're interested in from this list. Some agencies let their clients "preview" the list before it is posted so you may contact yours to see if they will let you do that next time if there are certain needs you'd consider. Good luck to you.
When we adopted our first child, we waited from July to the end of the following August for referral and then did not travel until November. Thats a long wait. This speed up, slow down is part of the unknown of International Adoption. I for one, want to feel confident that CCAA and the orphanage have done their due diligence on the children presented for adoption. I think our emotions are getting the best of us. I have to keep in my mind that the longer I wait, the more money I will save for the adoption. Still hoping to travel in 2006 (yes, I am nuts)
Wow - such negative talk in here. If your agency has not been up front about the wait from date of DTC (and mine has - and anytime I post about our agency's concervative estimates, people jump down my throat about it), then I would say that is an issue with your agency and not the CCAA. Adoption timelines change constantly, and that does not make international adoption or China worse than some countries that are moving faster right now - it just means that there are MANY factors that play into this. I want my baby home as much as the next person, but even thought I have dealt with infertility, I do not think I have more of a right that anyone else. If you have friends who think that just because the timeline has slowed down means that you aren't getting a baby, then you may want to just educate them a little more on international adoption. When people ask me about it, I just explain that although the timeline was 6 months when we started the paper chase, that it has slowed down a bit and that was around the time we were DTC. Yes, the timing sucks, but it is not the end of the world.
This just proves that everyone has different ways of dealing with emotional issues. No one is right and no one is wrong. We all just have different ways of expressing or adjusting or venting.
Regarding the SN lists- there seems to be more interest in SN now that the wait has been extended. LIke the person who posted about not getting access to the SN list- that same thing happened to us. There were at least four families per child interested in each child. And they got in line for them the second the little faces were posted online. There was so much traffic to our agency's site, you couldn't even get to the page for several hours.
I too agree that the longer the wait, the more money we can save. It's a wonderful way to look at it.
Why are people allowing these comments to take them to the brink. Referrals are coming through each month like clockwork. I like this sight for the info, but everyone is getting in a frenzy over something that in reality you have no control over. Venting is one thing, but these comments are spiraling out of control. Great Wall states that the CCAA releases no info until referrals are sent, so why don't we wait until they are sent out.
These comments are showing our since of entitlement and we want it our way, our rules.
THE REALITY IS WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER IT. Didn't anyones parents teach them that life isn't fair?
Hey anon 237!
You are aware that this blog is about rumors, aren't you. People are reacting to the disappointment of the possiblity of another small batch of referrals. I don't read any sense of entitlement in the posts.
Oh and let me just make a guess here. You have your kid already. Right?
I think people can vent here more than other boards because they can remain anonymous. I think people sugar coat things on some of the agency boards, especially the religious ones. So that accounts for the amount of increased negativity.
That said, today is a very sad day for many of us. I think alot of us have been saying "next month things will speed up" for the better part of 6 months, and to find out today that there are only 5-6 DAYS of referrals coming was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Some of us who had remained positive throughtout the ever increasing wait have just lost our cool at what appears to be another major slowdown in the process with no end in site. Just my 2 cents!
To 2:46--totally agreed! I've been VERY optimistic this whole time, and today is a BAD day. I am relieved to come here and say how I feel, and I hope people can continue to feel free to do so without being chastised. Sure, I knew this wouldn't be easy, but I do feel entitled to my frustration. Doesn't mean I regret my decision, or blame my agency, or don't think it's a privilege to adopt from China. You know what, though? If we all had a little more info, there'd be a lot less head-bashing and teeth-gnashing. Imagine if the CCAA website said, "We know this is a big change from a few months ago. Here's what's going on. Here's what we hope to do in the future..." Yeah, they had that post on 11-29, but it was a bit cryptic, and it's been awhile since that. We'd be calmer, our agencies would have an easier time. Everybody wins!
2:46- I agree.
Also, the only sense of "entitlement" that I get from these comments is the feeling I get from "childless" couples feeling they deserve their child first! How dare you. We ALL want our children, whether we have children at home already or not. I had 2 children and then suffered through infertility and 4 miscarriages. So have I suffered enough to be included with the "childless" couples who "deserve" their children first? Or, do I have to get in line with the people who already have kids and can't possibly "want" their babies as much? Should we debate stay at home moms vs working moms next? Give me a break! We are upset because we have holes in our hearts where our babies belong. We are all on the same team!
I don't think anyone feels they are "entitled" to a child right now. We realize this isn't a fast food order, for pete's sake. What we are entitled to is our frustration and disappointment, which, for some, feels kind of good to express in a place where you can be a faceless anon time. I posted earlier that what has been the hardest for me is the constantly changing expectation. Yes, we were warned the wait times were stretching out, but I don't think anyone predicted that we'd one day have a batch of referrals covering 6 days (2 of which were the weekend!). We're all just a bit taken aback by that. Heck, I'm still hoping that's wrong and we'll see some June referrals. I can adjust my expectations for this longer wait, but I can't do it right away, and yes, I need to whine/vent/be emotional or whatever you want to call it for a bit. Knowing that others share these feelings helps because they aren't really something that most people understand.
Hi, Parents to be. I share your frustrations and your anxiety filled wait. Hang in there. You're all going to be wonderful parents.
Here's a poem for the day (by the classic Chinese poet Li Po). When I read it I thought this is what our kids are thinking (we'll get to them soon):
Quiet Night Thoughts
Before my bed
there is bright moonlight
So that it seems
Like frost on the ground:
Lifting my head
I watch the bright moon,
Lowering my head
I dream that I'm home.
Be well all, deep breaths.
-Dstr LID 7/26
Good Lord...........WE ARE SUPPOSE TO BE HERE FOR EACH OTHER and for our BABIES........AND No I do not have my daughter yet!!!!!!!! Come on guys!!
So Sad!!
3:15 - I don't think anyone here is suggesting that you don't want your child any less than someone who is childess. Nor are we suggesting that you haven't suffered in your journey. I am sorry that you have. Infertility isn't fair for anyone.
However, if things keep slowing down and there are less children to go around, I do think it is fair to give priority to a couple who is infertile and doesn't have any children.
I believe this was the case with Chinese adoptions when they first started. This is why China's currently policy restricts adoptions for couples who already have 4 or more children.
Vent away my friends. This is much cheaper than a therapist and it's good to know the empathy is real. But get off each other's backs. If your up for a fight go to APC.
Now I know why my agency told me to stay away from rumor boards like this one.
For our first daughter, the wait time was 13 months from the LID -- then SARS hit and added another 2 months. I thought nothing could be worse, but for some reason this wait time seems worse. (Ugh)HOWEVER, with that being said, we got "the right one" with the first adoption. So if the wait time had differed, and SARS never happened, then maybe, just maybe we wouldn't have gotten the most perfect little girl in the world for us. :) I'm trying to focus on that -- and hopefully provide a small bit of encouragement for others in their wait time.
By the way, we're 6/15 LID. Our 4-year old daughter will be making her first trip back to China to welcome the new one and we're all anxiously waiting for the referral. Hang in there everyone. And thanks for this blog!
Thanks for the poem....
I'm so sad, and think about our future child al the time.
I cry and try to look at the future.
D.
LID 11/17
This is sortof a nonsequitor, but if i were starting the process with Korea right now, i would be FREAKING. Many who are early in the process with China will be jumping ship. And who can blame them. I predict a major slowdown in Korea, oh, about 6 months from now. Just like what happened to China when the Russia adopters switched programs.
This whole process is hell. Where are we supposed to go?
Maybe I am alone in this - but I find the adoption process to be an incredible experience. Yes, it has it's frustrations - but I guess I am a glass half-full type. I do want to know about rumors because I find them interesting, but I must be one of the few with such a calm attitude about this wait. It will happen - we will get our babies. I am just glad I won't be looking back on this time as miserable.
3:27--This is 3:15.
I believe it was suggested that a childless couple deserves their baby first. You even stated in your comment that it should go back to that if they find there are fewer babies. I disagree with that, and it's ok to disagree with each other! You are allowed to have your opinion and I'm allowed to have mine. I DO feel for childless couples who have been trying for a long time. I've been there and have a lot of friends who are there now. We are all good people who just want to hold our babies.
Cheaper than therapy...I like that.
Also, thanks for the poem.
It is one thing to vent, but my point is that when someone is crying.......What is the point. I think many feel that only people can express their opinion if it is what they want to hear... This is a rumor sight, but today it is a venting sight. We are all sad, but the reality is once again that we have no control. I think you can vent with out going to the brink. Sorry my opinion offend. In all honesty I keep hearing how positive people have been-I must of missed it. Negative is all I have seen since the slowdown.
Since today seems to be about venting. I am sick and tired about the comment about having other children---So we should not say anything,really what is that about? We are not allowed an opinion because we have children 2:44 post. What we do not want this child as much because we already have one? Get real!!! I hope this sight goes back to be a light rumor sight again, as that was fun.
The entitlement is there, but we must not comment on it because it might offend someone....We are all acting like victims of the CCAA. I include myself in this comment too, so do not jump me. If you would of researched it you would of seen that referral timelines change quite often over the 11 year timeframe. I see the hurt also I am not totally unsensative as I am living through it too. My heart aches too. My best friend got her referral in 6 months while I still wait and be told we will have to wait another month after waiting 10 months.Please I hope tomorrow that this goes back to a rumor sight. I know if I do not like it I do not have to log in, that seems to be the standard kindergarden remark on these sights when someone else states an opinion different than the regular complainig.
Shana....your post mad me laugh...I was pissed off when I started reading all of the angry posts until I read yours..THANK YOU. Attacking each other won't solve the problem. I have the exact fears as everyone else here and feel the pain. We were hoping to be home by Christmas with a 1/5 LID. but that hope is starting to fade away.
We started the process in November and our agency has consistently told us the wait would be 10-12 months. Even though the wait was much shorter when we started. I know the wait sucks but the 10-12 months shouldn't be a surprise. China continues to be one of the most stable International adoption programs. The wait times are always changing. We were told we would wait 12 months for a referral in 2004 and we only waited 8 months because the CCAA decided without notice to start doubling their batches of referrals. I feel terrible for the families with a May 31st lid. I believe the CCAA is doing the best they can. I'm not sure how many of you have seen their office building but we were very surprised at how small it was. I don't remember the exact figure but our guide told us the number of employees the CCAA has it is not many. I still think that wait times will speed up but that's just my opinion and I know it's not worth much.
I am the 1:30 p.m. anon who went in the restroom for a good cry.
To the 3:47 person who asked what's the point of crying? I don't know, what's the point in smiling? Or laughing? Sometimes the stuff inside has to come out. Seriously, does does an emotional release have a "point" or a "purpose". Sheesh.
To the 1:27 person - no worries, it's not you, it's this whole crazy situation.
I don't know why people are so upset at other people for being upset about this wait. Some agencies told their people they would wait 10-12 months, some didn't. (And btw, I'd start planning on a longer wait then 10-12 months...) I don't get why people feel the need to yell at anyone who is upset. It doesn't seem all that helpful to me.
In regards to the childless thing: I will say that I would trade places with someone who had a kid in a heart beat. I don't doubt that the wait is hard on everyone, but if I already had a kid, I'd already be a mom. I've been waiting to be a mom for a long time. This wait has been a drop in the bucket of the time I've waited to be a mom. Do I deserve a child more than anyone else? No. But I sure would love to have a kid already. I bet it would make MY wait easier.
I can't believe that some posters believe they are more entitled to children then others. Am I more entitled to my referal because I had 3 miscarriages, no bio kids, and my only child is from China? I could easily make the argument that China owes my daugher a sister more than a new family deserves a child.
But I wouldn't make that arguement, because it's hateful.
All who want children feel the same pain, and frankly, the way China does it is fair. Everyone takes their turn. No jumping ahead for the rich or the famous, or those that already have a Chinese child, or for those that are childless at the moment.
We are all hurting, and yes, the wait was a surprise for us. When we started we were told 6 months. We didn't find out about the longer times until after we were dtc'ed. Should I be angry at my agency? Maybe, but what good would it do?
so rant, vent, cry, whatever you need to do, but lets not turn on other waiting families as if their pain or desire is less than your own.
Jane
To anon 4:11, thanks for your 2nd paragraph. I agree with everything you said, and you said it so well.
Jane - you do get to "jump ahead" in the expedite process if one of the adoptive parents or both are of Chinese decent - just sayin'
4:23 - and how many people does that apply to? Not many. The only way for most of us to "jump the line" is to go Waiting Kids (SN)
Jane
i'm hoping RQ will come on with a new post so we can end this one. The childless ( of which i am one) are not going to change their minds and those with kids aren't going to change theirs either so I just wish we could move on.
Maybe RQ has something new and hopeful to report ( probably not, but we can hope)
I'm a soon-to-be-father with no children yet. To those parents with children already, I'm in line ahead or behind you (however the CCAA organizes our dossiers). So I feel I have no more or less of a right to get my daughter sooner. I'll get her when I get her and I'll know she's the daughter I'm supposed to have. And I know you're in the same boat as me. Having said that, to you parents out there, what should we be doing right now? reading right now? I want to (at least for myself) move away from the frustration angle (but yes it's there) and towards something more focused.
I do have a child and I agree that the wait is a bit more tolerable for me because my future as a parent is not on the line. I am already that and it is the greatest privilege in the world.
I agree that if China must impose new rules to filter potential parents, then childess or one child is a good way to start.
It`s much better than saying that African Americans or people with certain disabilities can`t adopt.
I think everyone who desires (and is capable) to parent should have this privilege. And I do think they should have priority. Weird huh? As much as I want this child, I can`t even believe that I think this. But I do.
I have been reading the posts...We are all in the same boat, just at opposite ends. As a parent already, I don't feel that I should go to the back of the line; however, I agree that my wait is probably easier as I am focused on my current family every day. To those who do not yet have a child. I am sorry for your long wait and your losses (whether they be in the form of infertility (I had) and miscarriages (I also had) THEY SUCK! But eventually you will have your daughter or daughters home. China is stable. The waiting sucks....FOR US ALL.
I think the venting is fine. At the end of the day, better to vent anonymously on some blog than to get into an argument in real life about this stuff you know. Truly, I know it's hard to accept, but being childless during this wait sux extra hard for me as I know it does for others out there; we're jealous and admitting that isn't easy. I would be lying if I said it didn't bug the hell out of me to see pregnant bellies all over the place lately. It's just pain re-surfacing because this feels like another roadblock, and pregnant gals at least have some idea when they'll meet their little ones, and some reassurance in that they've got their babies with them always. I think so many of us have the fear that the program may stop before we are matched with our children. I think that fear is extra bad when there's no little one at home to call you mom. I don't think there should be any entitlement to childless couples, but you have to at least acknowledge the issue.
To the 1:30 person I am sorry about the cry remark as I did not communicate clearly. I was not asking what the point about why you cried, but rather that why people were making speculations that are unfounded and led you to cry and that made me sad for you. Believe me I have cried many times during this wait.
I hope we can just get some new juicy rumor soon. We will never agree to any of this and what does it matter at this point as we are at the mercy of the CCAA who will never tell us their motives of why they do it the way they do it. We are inline randomly with children or without to be matched
The first time we did our dossier we had to put our name, picture of our house and our income on the cover and nothing else. That was daunting. I thought what did we get ourself in for? Much about adoption is unknown.
Sorry again about the cry remark. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone as we are all frustrated with children or without and do not want to cause other any more pain.
I am childless, and yes, I long to be a mom and my DH longs to be a dad and we have done the infertility treatment thing (although adoption was a fairly quick and easy decision for us). Please do not feel more sorry for us in the wait just because we are childless - we do not feel sorry for ourselves! We do think the wait sucks at times (just like everyone else does), but we have plenty of friends, extended family and each other to keep us company and we purely enjoy each other's company. Plus - I for one am enjoying this time together as a couple. Yes, we have been together over 7 years and have had lots of fun together already - but we still enjoy sleeping in and basically being selfish right now - we are enjoying it for as long as we can rather than focusing on the negative. I do NOT feel that we are entitled to get our child any sooner than anyone else. Our families and friends and co-workers do ask us about the wait - but that is because they are generally excited for us and can't wait for us to be parents. I feel lucky to have such supportive and understanding people around me - perhaps that is why I am so positive about this.
I'm more fustrated at the lack of information from the CCAA then anything else. They can tell us that July is through the review room but why not tell us how many dossiers this entailed.
They tell they've matched up til May 25th, why can't they publish the date the next batch of referals will be sent. Why can't they say how many dossiers they matched each round.
Knowing this stuff when end so much fustration. The CCAA quickly posts press releases about the wonderful conferences they attend and hold, but do very little in letting those who are adopting know how things are progressing.
CCAA 1 out 10 for customer service
While walking on the treadmill this afternoon I was thinking... I bet I could walk to China faster than I'll get my referral.
LID 01/05/06
RumorQueen...stop the madness!
LOL anon 5:54! Reminds me of that Cosby Show skit where the kids did "Things that are Older than Dad." Like, dirt, for example. We could do "Things that take longer than getting your referral." Like figuring out cold fusion, for example.
Want something to read? Try Einstein Didn't Use Flashcards. A parent of twins from China recently told me that when she finally had her girls she knew so much about their birth country but had not read much about child development. It struck a chord with me so that is my new goal- read more child development books.
Oh- and I'm going to figure our cold fusion!
It's funny that 5:54 suggests we walk there -- the July DTC group is doing just that! When we submitted our dossiers, it was routinely taking 6-7 months for a referral. Things slowed down and by late January we were all in the dumps because that's when we "should" have had our referrals and we were looking at several more months. Someone said she would walk there if she could because it would be faster. So we set a goal to "walk" there through exercising. We've set up a database, and we get a mile's credit for every 15 mins of vigorous exercise. We're three quarters of the way there already (and we're getting in better shape for parenthood!).
Not to say that we aren't bumming BIG TIME the last few days over this latest rumor, because we are.
Anon 6:04... I like that game... I used to play "Well, it's better than having to go to the gynocologist" when I'd have something come up I dreaded doing. Until... I married my husband and met my mother-in-law... God bless her. Now everytime I go to the gynocologist I say "at least I'm not at my in-laws!!!" That's bad isn't it???
When we started this process we were told of a 6 month wait. Our agency has been telling us that it could be 12 month's-fine! But, what happen's if and when the wait goes past that? What happen's to all our precious document's when they expire one by one? How can they expect people to just keep handing over more and more money?
Our bloodwork wasn't even covered by insurance and it was about $400(just an example). I can't even imagine having to deal with the USCIS again! Sorry for venting!
4:34...thanks for actually understanding. I think there is a HUGE difference between having one child and having NONE. I could never personally "cut" in front of anyone for a child, but I wish those with a child in their arms could understand the pain and ache of those who wait for just one...their first.
For people who have a child already I understand that you are anxious to get another child home, but I don't think it's the same a childless couple. Every evening you get to tuck your child into bed. I'm sure you get smiles, kisses and hugs every day. I'm sure you enjoy having your child during the holidays and not sitting in a room of family as the only adult without a child. Once our daughter comes home, I cannot imagine feeling a need for another...I think I will be sooooo thankful!! I will be forever thankful that I will finally be a mom! 4:55, I used to have such a positive outlook like you do, but my personality is starting to drain. After 6 years of infertility and two failed adoptions I walk around every day with a heavy heart. I used to be a smiling, happy energetic person, but my wait to be a mom is getting the best of me these days. We switched to China because it was the most stable. Now I'm wondering, what do people in the review rooms need? Are there ever instances that people are turned away. I just don't think I could take that after this wait.
I pray for everyone who is waiting right now.
Dear 8:20 poster,
I have two bio children, yes, we struggled with years of infertility and heartache and what seemed like endless waiting. After I had my first, the very sharp sting of infertility was blunted but the pain was still there as we struggled for another. Infertility is MEAN..whether it's primary or secondary. But, it was different in that we did have a child to tuck in at night and to love on. So yes, I totally understand where you are coming from. There are a few couples in my travel group who are childless and my heart is breaking for them more than for myself. I know that no one wants to be "felt sorry for"...but please know that I do understand and know that your pain is sharper than mine.
I live in Ireland and my husband and I started this process in Jan 03. (Thats how long it takes in Ireland). We have a LID of 13th Sept and since the slow down was highlighted before Christmas I have had it in my head that we will receive our Referral in September. I can live with this and still believe it will be so. I also feel that we are not 'entitled' to adopt a child from China that in fact it is a gift. This will be our first child and I feel honoured and blessed that I will be allowed to make her a part of our family. I have come to love everything about china, have spent the long wait studying Chinese lanuage and culture and am still feeling very very positive about the whole process. Lets us all remember that the children are priority in all of this and a few extra months wait for us is nothing to compare with the lifetime these childrens biological parents will spend without their children.
Xie Xie
a few extra months wait for us is nothing to compare with the lifetime these childrens biological parents will spend without their children.
Xie Xie
9:35 AM
9:35
That was powerful. Thank you.
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