Flimsy rumor
This sounds a bit dubious, but the story goes that someone from the UK who doesn't know their LID has friends in China, and the friends in China contacted the CCAA to find out their LID. The CCAA apparently reported the family has an early September LID and that they should expect their referral in July.
Couple of questions here... one, why would their agency have not told them their LID to start with, and two, why would the CCAA tell this to just anyone who called them up and asked them about it?
And lastly - don't the rest of you have an idea that the CCAA doesn't know how far they will get until they get there? If so, how could they possibly know how far they will be in July?
As much as I'd love to be able to think we may be able to get our referral in July, I'm not giving this one a lot of weight.
UPDATE: Seems this one is credible after all - see comments.
posted by RumorQueen at 3/21/2006 10:27:00 AM
45 Comments:
I agree, that sounds pretty bogus. By the way, I'm so glad I found this site to feed my referral rumor needs! I'm parking myself here until I get my referral.
Cathy, LID 6/03
Not bogus. I reported this. Genuine call. Genuine story. Accuracy? The CCAA tells us largely what we want to hear I think. We have no agencies in the UK. Most of us never know our LID. BLAS can sometimes help but not always, hence this couple taking a chance on calling the CCAA. Non non non bogus dudes.
Then can you ask them to call the CCAA for us and ask when we can expect the next batch of referrals??!!!
Okay J - I take your word for it. If you say so, then this one has some legitimacy.
Which means this might be good news. September in July means:
LID Referred Month
--- --------------
May March
June April
July May
August June
September July
And THAT means they are about to go back to whole months.
It'd be great to see whole months wouldn't it? But I do think the CCAA person was just being "nice". We'll find out in a week or so!
i agree that CCAA is just being "nice"
my husband does business in asia a lot and he finds that his contacts in china and japan do not like to say "no" or give the "wrong" answer. It is culturally more appropriate to lie than to give bad news.
Maybe we should all call and ask, "Can we come pick up our daughters now." Since they do not like to give out bad news.
Okay, but what do you guys mean when you say June=April...that I'll now have to wait until the end of April for my referral. OMG!!!! I'm going to lose it over here if that's the case!!!
My agency in Montreal, Canada (Enfants du monde-Children of the World) is saying the following on their weekly recorded phone message: In May 2005, the CCAA logged in 3 times more files than usual. By May 13, they had reached their usual number of LIDs, by May 25 they again reached thier usual number of monthly LIDs. So if they received 3 times as many as usual in May, we can assume that the last third were logged in May 26-31 and that the next batch will cover these only.
unfortunately, what anon @ 12:29 says makes a lot of sense. If it really was 3x the size then it should take 3 months I think I should be able to collect social security by the time we get our child with a Nov. LID. Oh, well, I guess this will help pay for diapers.
The 12.29pm Posting gives us some "positive news" in that once the rest of May's referrals have been sent, CCAA should (Hopefully) pick up pace with next months referrals and we might see whole months being sent again? It doesn't hurt to be optimistic!!!
This really is horrible news if its true. If indeed we accept that the ccaa can only manage to refer 5 days of LIDS this time around (May 26-May 30, c'mon people, this is 5 FREAKIN DAYS and I'm sick of hearing how huge May was!) then what makes us believe that the drop off in lids between May and June will be precipitous?
I wish I could be optimistic about things 'speeding up' in the future but i am finding it increasingly difficult.
What is really scary about this, is that I am getting the feeling that June is big too (and someone from Spain just reported a huge number of Spanish June LID dossiers elsewhere on this site today)
When/how is this ever going to get better?
Liz, Feb '05 LID
Thank you Liz! I'm tired of people telling me to be "optomistic", I'm tired of hearing how big these months are and I'm really tired of being treated as a child. If the CCAA can't handle the load, then tell us it's going to take 12 months or more from LID to referral. Don't blow sunshine at us and then expect we're just going to nod our heads when delay after delay after delay is hurled at us. I'm coming up on 10 months and I have no optomism left in me. I want my baby.
Sorry to take over your Blog, happy people are pissing me off.
This "going to speed up next month" is getting old. We have all been talking about this for months and its taking longer each month, not speeding up. We need to all mentally prepare ourselves for the 12+ month wait. That is it in a nutshell. I am usually optomistic but now the reality (if the Spain rumor is true) is that 12+ months is almost certinally going to happen. This really stinks!!
Maybe the CCAA is just screwing with us. Each month false info comes out on when the cut`s will be. Then we are left at the mercy of the CCAA site. Is that what they want? The end of rumors and the beginning of total control?
Oh wait, what am I talking about? They HAVE HAD total control of my life for the last 1-1/2 years.
Rathering than them filtering out dossiers already in the process, if this keeps up they need to stop accepting new dossiers because this is just CRAZY!!!
It's okay 2:25 - sometimes the "happy happy joy joy" people get on my nerves, too.
And then sometimes (it happens, occasionally) I deal pretty well with the wait, and then I just try to not get on anyone else's nerves with my calmness.
What really gets on my nerves is the people who assure you that "the pain of the wait will fade away as a distant memory after you hold your child". They lie. I've done this before, I know better.
LOL Rumor queen, just like labor pains fade in time. Ya right! Been there... done that and still remember the whole thing like it was yesterday.
Yet here I am faced with the pain of the wait and I do not even have the option of an epidural!
It`s just so unfair!
You know, it's not even the wait that bothers me. If CCAA or my agency had said, "It will be 12 months from your June '05 LID until referral," I could have accepted that and got on w/my life for a year. It's the NOT KNOWING that bothers me. It drives me crazy. I wish the CCAA would JUST. TELL. US. what they are doing and why and how long it will take, than this massive guesswork and "will I get my referral in 2 weeks or 4 months" guessing game. UGH.
Or how about, "Don't worry, you'll be matched with the child that is meant to be yours."
Always said by someone who already has their child, conveniently enough.
Oh, I love you guys!! I am so TIRED of sanctimonious platitudes, and of being made to feel like some kind of evil being if I express impatience! We're LID in October, and I am so frustrated with all this that I could just scream. I had expected to endure some uncertainty and knew that no matter how short the wait was, it would be too long, but this thing is stretching out like some kind of deranged silly putty!!
I am so sick of everyone whining! I adopted 2002 and had to wait 13 months for a referral and lived to tell it. I went in this second adoption thinking it would be 6 months (LID 6/9 ) and am having to wait. China does not have to allow for any adoption if they choose...and how and when they do it is up to them. I am grateful for the privilage and cannot imagine life without my daughter.
Sounds like we are all frustrated and needed a huge venting!!!
What I find embarrassing and awkward is that I shared our expected timeline with people and now look like an idiot! "Yeah, I'll hear in Jan or February" has now become "I don't know when I'll hear. Maybe May."
The well-meaning platitudes ARE well-meaning but so is hydrogen peroxide on a cut. And they both hurt. Leave me alone with my wounds; let's not pick at them with well-intentioned comments.
I must say that it is hard forme to have any emotions towards the things we know. I first adopted a child from the Philippines and there was no news what so ever concerning when we would get a referral. Therefore, we were not expecting anything when we got our referral. This time around, I find that knowing and waiting makes it harder. I think there is no ideal situation when you are in control of nothing.
That said, I find the waiting very hard, like most of you, and can't wait for our turn (should be in the next batch since we are LID May 31). And I agree with the person who said that the harder part is that everyone is expecting the referral as much as us because we had told them it would be sooner that it is.
Gen, LID 5/31
QUIET PEOPLE! The SARS adopter is tired of our whining.
She waited 13 months, climbed uphill both to and from China, in the snow with no shoes, carrying her Samsonite bag on her shoulder's. We don't know how lucky we have it.
hey- The first time I waited 15 months, was skipped over twice(due to a paperwork mistake by my agency) and I will be the first to say the wait is just as bad the second time around. The only good thing is I was such a crazy woman last time that everyone I know is afraid to ask "any news??" this time around!
For the comment of me being a sars I was not. I was the last to travel before the sars.... And I flew first class and stayed in suites. It is hard for everyone, but come on...The truth is we have no control and whining and being critical of the process will not change anything.
Coming out of lurkdom just to say........
Notice SARS adoptor has her baby. (See 3:32 commenter for my thoughts on that.) Jus' sayin'.
I loved your posts, 6:17 and jacquie! It's possible that the only thing MORE annoying than those that tell us that waiting a thousand months will give us "the baby that was meant for us" are those that are so convinced that they had it WORSE than us ( i.e. SARS, pre- SARS etc.) that they have NO EMPATHY for anyone else's experience.
Empathy -- its a good thing to learn. It's not too late!
I, too, feel like such a heel because I didn't have my anticipated Dec. referral. I get asked multiple times a week. I'm sure people are saying I'm pathological (behind my back). If referrals don't come soon, I may not be pathological - but psychotic instead.
Emotions are NOT allowed during an adoption because adoption is NOT an emotional process.
It's not like any of you had problems getting pregnant in the first place. NOne of you had miscarriages. None of you were told you'd never have children. None of you have friends having babies right this moment while you sit there and smile while inside you are just dying and wondering when you'll be next. None of you have been through years yearning for a little baby to hold in your arms. None of you are anxious for your child who is already laying in a crib in an orphanage.
So what are you whining about?
If we all act the exact same way and just smile and pretend nothing is wrong, then everything will be ok.
Besides, next year at this time, you will have completely forgotten all about this. You didn't know you get free lobotomy with every adoption?
I sure do love living in Sunny Pixie Horse Fairy Land. Life's pretty good here.
You ain't kidding the waiting sucks! I know first hand and I am proud to be whining about it. I was involved in Russian adoption, this was my choice and I don't blame anyone for it. I was LID to China in Nov. I have been waiting for a child for 15 months and there seems to be no end in sight. I feel like a dog chasing it's tail, like it's never going to happen. I don't want to hear about the perfect baby for me. I have now looked in 2 countries for him/her. What makes everyone who says that feel they have the right? It's true, it's usually those who have their kids. So what? God likes you best and you're so wonderful you get to have yours? I dont thinks so. Then why are there people out there reproducing like rabbits who are awful, abusive parents? It's all crap just to make us feel better and it doesn't. Let's live in reality people, we are stuck here at the mercy of someone else and it's hard, difficult, and awful. Many of us are here to end the woes of infettility and this sometimes is worse. At least with infertility treatments you had an answer after 30 days, we are in limbo. You want to whine and complain, then be my guest, because I am right behind you, it sucks, no if's ands or buts.
Speaking of awful people who have one baby after another, have you ever seen Maury Povich on TV? He always has poeple with 7 kids looking for bio. fathers. The proposed fathers come on stage, cuss at the mothers and then learn they aren't the parent and jump up and down in joy. I hate that show.
During paperwork process I was hassled by one of those "you get the right baby people in the end so trust God/fate/higher power" Because I was paying extra for expedite courier and authentication and she said it was a waste. Of course she had her baby!
I wanted to tell her that she didn't work hard enough or fast enough when she did her paperchase. So someone else got her baby because she was too late. Haha. I was feeling evil that day but I didn't actually say it.
Now it is months gone by and I think it was worth every penny. If things continue like this, going expedited on everything got my dossier to China a whole month earlier. Which could mean getting a referal 1 month, 2 months, 3 months earlier.
For me, the hard part is that my inital expectation was a 6 month wait. Then a 7 month. Then 8. Then 9. Then...well, you get the picture. If I'd gone in knowing the wait was 12 months or 15 or whatever, then I'd have been emotionally prepared. But, I told myself on Mother's Day last year that was my last Mother's Day without my daughter. Now, that does not appear to be a possibility. When I started researching China, wait times were at about 14 months and I was totally fine with that. Its really not the length, its the not knowing. Its the constant emotional battering that happens every time my expectations are utterly shattered. Maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up, but things have changed so much in such a short time that its hard to adjust so quickly!
9:59 - I love you. Perfectly said.
I am sorry that I said do not whine, but I do not see how it helps to whine. Whine away if it helps and I will not judge no more, but do not judge others that have other children. This child is as important as the first or 6th. Everyone has a story, so do not think yours is worse and be bitter about it. I feel for a couple that lost all their kids to a drunk driver and has had to wait like the rest of us and does not whine.I live in no fairy land. My first child died and that does not go away. Like I said we all have our own stories This is all hard for everyone, but there is a BIG difference from showing emotion and whining. But if whining you want to do....Go at it.....May your whiniing help the months pass quicker.
"To whine or not to whine, that is the question." As I sit here and read all of this I too want to vent. But as I sit here my excitement also grows. I cannot wait to see my baby girls face and smile. Although, I am frustrated, I also grow more excited everyday to hear the word daddy (in reference to me)for the very first time. We all have our stories and I am sure that some pain is invoved in all of them. All I know is that someday real soon the greatest words that have ever been said will be said, "I love you daddy." I love you too my sweet baby girl.
I do not recall anyone saying that the first child is more important than the second. There are tons of people here waiting for their second and still upset over the wait. I do not recall anyone claiming that it couldn't be worse. My aunt just lost her son (my cousin) 20 days ago, believe me I'd rather be where I am and dealing our adoption than what she is dealing with, it's just awful. We get it,we are all aware that things could be worse and I'm sure that most of us have actually been thru worse but this is a board about adoption rumors, not loss, not whose child is more important, it's not a competition it's just a matter that is upsetting and frustrating as I'm sure you are aware 11:13 since you too are here looking for answers. I beleive that some of us have been thru such hell, that this was supposed to be the shining moment to finally say, well, something wonderful has finally happened in my life, for a minute the joy of our child will melt away some of the tragedy that so many have suffered. I am sorry to say it is not helathy to NOT speak of things that bother you and I am curious to know why when you speak it's "showing emotion" and when others do it's whining--I'd say thats a double standard. Whining is a tone and from a post you cannot determine that.
7:41 THANK YOU! It's NOT just an extra few months. Many of us have waited years for this baby and let's not forget that these babies are waiting for US too! I think we deserve some venting, and if someone doesn't like it, log off.
9:59 You're right. After months of pregnancy tests and 4 miscarriages, every month just seems like another false alarm. Adoption is an emotional roller coaster and I believe that adoption hormones are as strong as pregnancy hormones. I think we needed this vent and we don't need to apologize fir it. Just as the optimistic people don't need to apologize for their feelings. Let's just support each other and validate each others feelings, even if they differ from our own.
I agree with Anon@ 7:59. My first document for my dossier was dated August 2004 (LID 6/20) and was told to expect 12/05 referral. The wait is excruciating for us but what really bothers me is the fact that these precious babies are spending unnecessary time in these orphanages. Why can't the CCAA hire more people - I'm sure there's no lack of available workers!!!!!
Just got a group email that said the author was at a meeting last night and her agency confirmed the 5/30 cutoff. This was followed by saying the slowdown was due to focus on the baby trafficking trials and that things will return to normal....whatever that really means. Insert sigh of exasperation here.
I really do not think CCAA`s goal is to get all the children out of the orphanages, I think their goal is to not exceed a precise amount of referrals per year and that is exactly what they are doing.
If China’s wait time keeps increasing, more will choose the SN`s route and also go to other countries. China will then have healthy infants for families within China.
Also with the publicity of the recent child trafficking, it makes sense that CCAA will make sure that their system runs slower and less babies referred, the question of baby trafficking won’t come up so often.
I do not think CCAA is as simplistic as they are perceived by many. There is a lot of planning that seems to be taking place.
I was speaking with dh about the slow down last night. He is the logical one out of us both lol and what he says made a lot of sense. He thinks CCAA are trying to encourage more in country adoptions therefore slowing it down for internationals. He thinks the timeline will get longer and possibly cease if intercountry adoptions are a success.
It is looking more like CCAA have a "Plan" up their sleeve but they just aren't sharing it!!
No! I just can't believe this! I am LID 31MAY as well and this is just too hard. I am at work right now and I just feel so crushed. I am trying to get to the CCAA website but it is unavailable. I am devastated, this can't be...
Gen
Post a Comment
<< Home