Pissing contest

Am I the only one who wishes we could just put Bob and Terry on a porch somewhere and have them whip it out and get the pissing contest over and done with, once and for all? Maybe somewhere with lots of snow, so it will be easy to tell who won. The last thing we want is even more essays arguing the point of who won and why, and you know they'd both come up with some persuasive argument, no matter who pissed the farthest. Oh, never mind... it would just be more cause for yet more bloviating.